Should A Pastor Forgive A Cheating Wife Or Send Her Away?

I understand there is a position in the Bible that permits a man to put away his wife based on cheating, I also understand, there’s another position in the Bible which forbids a man from putting his wife away even in the case of cheating.

I will discuss the two positions some other time, but now let’s look at a Pastor putting away his cheating wife, is it permitted or not?

Peter asked Jesus, “Rabbi how many times will someone offend me and I forgive him, is it seven times”? Peter referred to seven times because Jesus once said seven times, but why did Jesus respond to Peter seventy times 7 this time? He looked at the heart of Peter, he loves revenge, he asked the question because maybe someone offended him up to seven times, so he needed permission from the Master to retaliate next time, knowing this, Jesus responded to him Seventy times 7, this number doesn’t refer to a count of many times, it figuratively means there’s no count to how many times you should forgive someone; you simply forgive endlessly.

In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus said we must forgive others in order to be forgiven, in the previous chapter, He said, the merciful shall receive mercy, this contextual connotation explains forgiveness and mercy work in pari passu, i.e., it takes a merciful heart to forgive.

Forgiveness is like a chain between these three essence of Divinity- Love, mercy and peace.
It isn’t possible to truly forgive when we’ve no love in our hearts, and it’s difficult to forgive when we aren’t merciful.

It’s mercy and love that trigger that inner willingness to forgive either bilaterally or unilaterally.
Now coming to the question if a Pastor should forgive his cheating wife, I will approach this from the gospel point of view, not from a personal or conceived perception comme ça.

When I say Pastor, it isn’t limited to a particular set, it involves all ministers of the Gospel in all the Christian churches, because the word Pastor is a modern name of shepherd, and anyone in the position to lead God’s people is a shepherd.

If a Pastor puts away his wife and marries another or remains single, it isn’t a demonstration of his wife’s cheating, rather it’s a demonstration of his unwillingness to be merciful enough to forgive.

The core highlight of the Gospel of Jesus Christ anchors on forgiveness, the word forgiveness appears over 200 times in the Bible, if you the Pastor don’t forgive, what message do you have for the sheep? What message do you have outside mercy, peace and love which are evident in genuine forgiveness?

Up the mountain where Moses met God, the first introduction God made of Himself was, I am a merciful and compassionate God, this translates, He’s the God that forgives all things.

Although it’s written without love no one shall see the Kingdom of God, but I say to you this day also without forgiveness no eye shall see the Kingdom of God, because forgiveness stems from love.

My Pastor friend told me a story years ago while we sat in the camp in a harmattan evening, he found his wife cheating on broad daylight before his eyes, not once, not twice, it was continuous, they brought him reports, your wife seen over there, your wife seen over here, He was in the position to ask her to go, but he didn’t do that, he still remained with her, even without the woman saying I am sorry, he forgave, remember not because he’s weakling, but because the Bible says be merciful like your Father in Heaven, forgive all offences without count.

My Pastor friend Dona now of blessed memory, was a good man, called by God Himself not called by man, I met him in the camp for the first time.

While I was preparing that year to go to camp and ask God direct questions, God told him in his house, go to camp, you will meet someone who’s looking to ask me questions, tell him what I shall reveal to you.

Immediately he saw me in the camp, Pastor Dona recognised me, and he told me everything, which answered all the questions, after that, he told me the story of his life, that was when he also told me about his cheating wife.

When God called him, his mother said no, Dona you can’t be a pastor, so she went to Eddy na n’ogu got a charm to kill her son, on her way back home, that was the year Reinhard Bonkee was in Nnewi, crossing that crusade arena with the charm God killed her there.

What about his family? He said, these are bullet scares from my family, they shot me severally but the bullets couldn’t penetrate.

What’s that thing someone did against you which you find hard to forgive?
When Jesus said forgive seventy times seven, He didn’t mention the offences you shouldn’t forgive, He didn’t categorise offences, He simply commanded forgive without keeping counts, so cheating is also one of the offences you must forgive, as no offence is bigger than the other.

Forgiveness is an expression that comes from a merciful and loving heart, no college can teach you the act of forgiveness, it comes from the heart inside out.

My Pastor friend is now of blessed memory three months after we met on the mountain, even God wasn’t happy with the way the world treated him, so He called Him back Home in peace at last.

What’s that thing people have done to you which is very hard to forgive? You read the story of my Pastor friend, he forgave them all, so you too should do likewise, you must forgive for the sake of the kingdom of God.

-Kanayo Ebuka